Best. Day. Ever.

Last Saturday, it was just gorgeous outside. We decided to take Bean out for a day of fun, since we had been neglecting her all week. But since Bryan was house/dog-sitting for some friends, we had to stop by there and let their dog out to pee before we could get started. I stayed in the car with Bean while Bryan went inside, and snapped this photo of her staring at the front door, trying to will him to come back with her gaze.
The first stop was an old playground, which is fenced in and pretty much always empty. We converted it into a one-dog dog park and Bean got to run around off leash. She likes to play "it" with us, and also hide and seek. If one of us is behind a tree, out of her sight, she turns around and around till she can see a hand sticking out and then she tears off to come find us. It was so much fun! Then we went to the Duke Gardens, where we lay down on the grass in a big sunny field, and watched other humans and dogs play. Bean rolled on her back in the warm grass, because it felt so nice. Here she is after a roll with grass in her coat.
And these are some shots of her from below. I am laying in the grass with the camera, and Bean is sitting over me, "protecting" me from some teenagers nearby who were making out.

Listen you little punk. Don't even THINK about coming over here and biting my mom. You just stick to biting that girl you've already got there. This girl here, she belongs to ME!

This one is my favorite.
It was a really great day.

(Note: The thing on her face is NOT a muzzle. It is a special head collar that helps her not pull as much. She can still open her mouth wide with it on. It's called a Gentle Leader.)

watching for the mailman

It's been warmer and sunnier here lately (thank God!), and I sometimes open the front door in the afternoons to let some more light into our hopelessly dark living room. Bean likes to peek out the screen door every now and then to check on the neighborhood and look for the mailman. It's funny because the only things that are above the bottom of the screen door window are her eyes and her ears. I wonder what she looks like from other side of the door.

the seatbelt and the vet

Yesterday I took Bean to the vet. She loves her vet, and she loves going there because she gets so much attention and so many treats. Every time we go they weigh her by getting her to step on this giant scale, and every time she pretends not to know what she is supposed to do, so that they have to literally cover the scale in treats to get her on it. She weighs 57 pounds, which the vet says is fine for a dog like her.

One reason she didn't like going yesterday was because I have finally decided to put an end to her "helping" me drive. She is too big, and it's just dangerous because she is colorblind and can't tell the red lights from the green ones. I got a seatbelt harness from Petco, which is lined with fleece on the inside so it's nice and comfy. I strapped her in the back seat, and snapped this photo at a red light:

Um...Mom, I don't know how you expect me to navigate from back here....

Once we got to our exam room, she was Ms. Brave Explorer. The first stop in any new room is the trashcan, but she couldn't fit her gigantic head into it because it was under a counter top.

Before long, she remembered that all the vets and techs come in through a door on the opposite side of the room. She began sniffing them out and listening for footsteps.

Okay, don't worry...whatever comes through that door, I will protect you, ok? I am a vicious guard dog, and as such will fight to the death to protect my people, which includes you. Got it?

When Dr. Muse came into the room with her assistant, Bean was all smiles and wagging tails until they approached her. Then she jumped up on the bench where I was sitting and wedged all 57 pounds of herself between my body and the wall behind me, with only her head peeking out over my shoulder. At this point she started to cry like a little baby.

Great job protecting me Bean. Really. Just superb.

They eventually lured her out with treats and soft voices, and put her up on the exam table, where she proceeded to tuck her tail between her legs and lick the assistant's face during her entire exam. Afterwards, she pranced back out into the waiting room as if she had just beaten Dr. Muse in an arm wrestling match.

I guess she's got a reputation to protect.

bath day!

"I got a bath today!!


...and so did all my beds and blankets. I hate getting baths, and I won't get into the tub willingly. Daddy has to catch me, pick me up, and put me in there. Then I just stand really still the whole time. But the funny thing is, I always feel better after I've had one. And I really like the taste of the shampoo."

lazy saturday afternoon

I like word puzzles. A lot. My favorite place to do them is in bed. It seems so decadent to snuggle up in bed with a sharp pencil and a fresh puzzle. My bedside table is stacked with books of crossword puzzles and sudoku puzzles. On Friday night I went to Borders with our friend Christy (hi Christy!) and I got a big book of find-a-word puzzles from the bargain section for $3.99. Usually I don't find these kinds of puzzles challenging enough, but this one interested me because it doesn't actually tell you which words you are looking for. It gives a theme (in this case "bread") and tells you to find 23 bread-related words. I've been doing these puzzles pretty much non-stop since I got the book.

So on Saturday afternoon, it was no surprise to Bryan to come home and find me in bed with my puzzles, and Bean sleeping on her bed in the corner. He climbed in bed and started "helping me" solve it. It went like this: "Okay there's 'granary' at the top, so circle that one...and there's 'rye'...'crust' is at the bottom." When I pointed out that this was no fun for me because all I was doing was circling words he was finding, without having time to look for them myself, he took the book and the pen and retreated to the end of the bed saying "You're right, I can circle them myself. I don't need your help. Thanks for pointing that out!"

I patted him on the butt a few times and was saying something about how he's lucky he's such a cute jerk, when out of nowhere Bean flies up on the bed. She promptly snuggled in beside her favorite parent and began "helping" him with the puzzle.

At first we were shocked. We have been less than successful in other training goals, but one thing Bean knows for sure is that she has to wait to be invited onto the bed. The signal? We pat the bed twice. After a horrible moment of us thinking she was blatantly breaking rules she knows (and you know what comes next: dyeing her fur green, listening to loud obnoxious music, and breaking curfew), we realized that she had heard me pat Bryan on the bottom and assumed it was our signal. Since she had obeyed the rules, we let her stay.

I present to you, my family:

It was a nice moment for us.

Let it snow!

Yesterday we had the slightest dusting of snow. Which, down here, means that everything was shut down. So Bryan got to stay home and we watched movies and took naps all day. Bean has only seen snow once or twice before in her life, and was very concerned about the whole thing. When she woke up, I tapped on the glass in the window next to our bed, which is her signal to come check something out.

Here she is surveying the situation from inside.

After she looked out of every window in the house and confirmed that we were indeed surrounded on all sides by this stuff, she mustered up the courage to go outside and do a little reconnaissance mission.

As you can see, we were in no danger of being snowed in, but Bean did her best to shovel us out anyway by licking all the snow off the porch. When she finally came inside she was so cold and had shown such bravery that we just had to let her in bed with us to watch an episode of Family Guy.

Bean and Gneville

This is Bean on the back porch at her lookout post with my garden gnome. His name is Gneville. I found him at a thrift store, and when I brought him home I asked Bryan to help me think of a name for him. I wanted something that started with the same letter as "gnome" and sounded gnome-ish. When I shouted out "Neville!" (as in Aaron Neville), Bryan gently reminded me in his school-teacher voice that "Gnome" starts with a "G." So I decided to name him Gneville instead. (It's pronounced the same as "Neville," just in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, Gneville lived inside my apartment with me before Bryan and I moved in together. But now that we have a nice fenced in backyard where I can be sure he'll be safe and won't wander off, he lives out there.

Bean shows absolutely no interest in Gneville, so his chances of ever showing up on this blog were slim. So today, when I saw her out there, I put Gneville up on the railing and took this shot.

Gneville the Gnome. Yep... I lead a thrilling life.

the 55-lb paperweight

In preparation for tax season, I spent part of today sorting through the piles of paper in the office. Bean "helped" by making sure a certain pile didn't blow away in a freak indoor windstorm.


I wonder if the IRS will mind if our return smells like dog butt? I wonder if we can claim her as a dependent?

brrrrrrrrrrr.....it's cold!

The temperature has dropped here these past few days, and since we can't afford to keep the whole house nice and toasty (we have gas heat and a giant drafty old mill house) Bean is forced to find whatever spot of warmth she can and settle in. Her favorite is the sunny square in the office floor (see previous post) or in bed with us, but when that can't happen, she is often found here:


This is "Bean's couch." It's also in the office, which is good because that's where we usually are, and she likes to hang out with us. It is a hideous old couch that she chewed to bits and now I just cover it with layers and layers of old white sheets I find at thrift stores. It's perfect. Once a week I remove the top layer and wash it. She likes to nestle into the corner between the sofa arm and back, and make herself into a tiny little ball.

She is so cute like this it makes me think of her as a puppy, and I want to scoop her up in my arms and snuggle with her on my chair.

And then I remember she is now 55 lbs.

Oh well, she's still darn cute. Stay warm everybody!

the spot

First of all, I can't believe it's been a almost a year since I posted here. It's been a rough year. Let's just say that now that everyone who used to read this is long gone and reading other, more interesting blogs, I have finally learned an important truth:

Any life that does not leave time to blog about your dog, is no life at all and must be changed.

So, now that I am taking some serious ME time, there will be a lot more posting around here. Starting with this....

This is Bean's spot. A Bean-sized square of warm sunshine. It only appears for a few hours a day, in the middle of the office floor. It is like no other spot on earth. And nothing, absolutely nothing, can tempt her to move from it.

Except of course, the sound of mommy's camera clicking from her desk. Our Bean is not one to miss a photo op!

when the moon is in the 7th house

Sometimes, when the sunny spot in the house (which, by the way, is an eff-ing tundra since our last gas bill was only slightly less than our rent)...when the sunny spot aligns perfectly with the one couch bean is allowed on, and she has a new peanut-butter-flavored chew....that is a good day.

it smells like a dog...

Over the holidays, my family stopped by and my sister brought her dog, Tyson, along. Bean had met Tyson before, and is never quite sure what to make of her cousin. She tries to interact with him the way she would with any other dog (sniffing, attempts to initiate a game of chase, pouncing, etc.), but Tyson is never as receptive to her advances as she expects him to be. On this visit, after unsuccessfully "playing dead" to get her to leave him alone, Tyson sought refuge on the couch. This just totally confused Bean, because she knows that dogs are not allowed on the couch. Could she have been mistaken all along? Could her cousin, in fact, be a cat? Or a kid?? She approached him very slowly, and took a few long whiffs.... The verdict?

Still not sure. More investigation is needed.

it just ain't right, that's all

does anyone else find it disturbing when a dog sits on its butt like a person?
...me too.

Sorry about the long absence. We were kind of overwhelmed by the holiday season this past year. But we are slowly resuming all of our normal activities (including blogging) and even adding a few new ones.

Yesterday, bryan hurt his back playing basket ball, and since then I have been listening to him whine like an old man about how much it hurts nursing him to health like any dutiful good wife would. Unfortunately, since he is out of commission, and I suck at walking bean (i am, however, excellent at getting dragged around the neighborhood by her while she chases every squirrel, bird, or leaf that crosses our path) bean has been a little...neglected.

No walks = crazy dog. Crazy dog = no rest for anyone in the house.

So today, we woke up (after she attempted to take the mini-blinds off of the bedroom windows, in what i can only assume was some sort of effort to get us to realize that JESUS GAY! IT'S TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING ALREADY!!! GET UP GET UP GETUP!!!) and drove out to a really awesome dogpark that we had never been to.

Bean was in dog-heaven.

The weather was pretty crappy today, and Bryan was worried that there wouldn't be any other dogs out. There were dozens of dogs. Bean has never seen that many other dogs at once. For the first minute or two, she just stood there. In awe. Then after a few more minutes of obligatory butt-sniffing and soft growls to establish the pack order, she was off. She ran and ran and ran and ran. She chased. She was chased. She was particularly delighted that every human she ran up to gave her a smile and a rub and told she was "such a pretty girl!" (That doesn't often happen to us. It takes a certain kind of person I guess to see Bean running up with a big smile on her face and not run screaming "ATTACK PIT BULL! ATTACK PIT BULL!!!"... A dog person.)

We came home. We all napped. We are just now getting up because we are waiting for the delivery guy to bring our food.

It's been a good day.

hello mah-dah, hello fah-dah, greetings from camp, bowwowwwow-ah

hi guys!!!

I'm sending this from the office here at camp bowwow. The camp counselors are busy checking on all the other inmates - uhhh.....i mean campers. So I thought i'd take this opportunity to remind you all to look in on me during the holidays on the camp's webcams. i'll be sure to smile at the camera and wave every now and then so you can tell which one I am. I hope you are all getting lots of good loot. remember.....pace yourselves......you have a whole year to destroy these new toys....go slow.

Bath time

Tonight Bryan gave bean a long overdue bath. She is really very good in the tub. Only sometimes she has a hard time waiting until he lifts her out of it to start the body-shaking she does to dry off faster.

Happy Sunday!

"The cool thing about having crappy parents who run out of dog food is that sometimes you get to have bananas and peanut butter for breakfast, like I did this morning. I am hoping they forget to pick up more dog food today too, so I can have pizza for dinner. Or quesadillas. Anything they're eating will be fine. Except vegetables. I don't like 'em. Never have."

Sexy dogs of the world UNITE!!!!

This is the freakiest thing that has happened to me all day. I have stumbled upon the blog of a dog named Ira that looks exactly like Bean. I mean they could be twins. I mean they could team up and get into all kinds of wholesome mischief ala The Parent Trap. They even have the same Blogger template.

This will rock.

Coming soon to a living room near you!

Last weekend, we were invited over to the house of a friend (let's call him "Andrew") for some movie-watching, game-playing fun. Andrew graciously extended the invitation to Bean, seeing as how he does have a fenced in backyard. Well, immediately upon her arrival, Bean located and mauled a little stuffed koala bear. That's sort of our fault. We have allowed her to grow up thinking that any stuffed animal is a dog toy and as such is fair game.

After the mangled koala corpse was taken from her, Bean ran around the backyard for a good long while. Then she hopped up on a chair in the living room and seemed to be settling down for a nap. I went to shove her off it and Andrew stopped me, saying that it was okay with him if she napped there and that she actually looked kind of cute.

Cue the 'gina-licking.

Andrew disappeared down the hall, saying "you know what? On second thought, why don't I put a blanket down on that chair for her...." Moments later he returned and slid a very cute cow-print blanket underneath her.

"Well, this is just not nearly as much fun."

"Maybe I'll check out what's going on in the dining room.....mmmm....is that Axis and Allies that they're playing? Yikes! Well let's see what going on in here..."

"Oh good lord. It's her. She never does anything interesting. Ever. Actually, I don't recall her doing anything at all. I'm amazed she's even still awake. It must be nine o'clock by now. Why isn't she wearing her pajamas? Now she's going to take my picture and the flash will go off and it will blind me and I hate that. Hhhhhuuuuhhhhh. This sucks. I can't find anymore stuffed toys to eat. What am I gonna do until we leave?....mmmm....I have an idea...."

Yeah, that's right. We are all classy ladies over here.

bean and the bard

Yes, for the first time in her life, Bean had to wear the dreaded E-collar. I came home on Wednesday to find blood on the couch in the office (the one she is allowed on). I checked her paws and the dew claw on her front left paw was a bloody mass of nastiness. Seriously? It looked like she had stepped in some raw hamburger meat or something. So, off to the vet for some expensive surgery (they ended up taking off the whole claw), and when Bryan picked her up on Wednesday night, she was wearing this. I think she looks very Shakespearean in the photo above, don't you?
In this picture you can see her bandaged paw. She had to keep it and the E-collar on for 3 days, and yesterday (Saturday) we released her. She is full of energy and as good as new, which is slightly disappointing. We were hoping for maybe a few more days of down-time before she got back to her usual crazy self.
"When you don't share your pizza crusts with me mommy, it makes my paw hurt."

Since her wound could have had something to do with the fact that we don't clip her nails (she has eaten several nail trimmers), the guilt was a little overwhelming. We dealt with this by hand feeding her bananas and pizza crusts, carrying her up and down the stairs whenever she wanted, and letting her sleep in the bed with us.

Those of you who share the bed with your dogs on a regular basis, my hats off to you. It was the worst sleep of my whole life. She had to sleep with her head (with big plastic E-collar) on Bryan and her big fat butt on me. The weight of it pretty much forced me to lie in the same position all night, and I was achy all the next day. But, what could we do? The first time we saw her try to run into her crate for bed and bounce back because the E-collar wouldn't fit was friggin hysterical. But the eighth time was just heart breaking.

every breath you-ou take...every move you-ou make...

every bond you break

every step you take

I'll be watching you.

Bean has just recently realized that she is tall enough to stand up and look out the front windows. Whenever she sees anything potentially harmful to us - a squirrel, the mailman, the neighborhood children, a leaf - she starts shrieking like a little girl until I go check it out. After I look out the window I say "What did you see? Did you find a leaf? Look! It's gone! You scared it away! What a good girl!! Who's mommy's sweet little guard dog? It's Bean!! Oh yes it is!!" She gets all wiggly and excited, I go back to what I was doing, and she resumes her post at the window.

Fun? You have no idea.