if it seems like all we do around here is lie on the couch

That's because it is all we do. And it rocks.

Crime and Punishment

In order to give you some idea of the havoc our little Bean can create at home, I submit these webcam photos from doggie camp. Please keep in mind that all of these were taken over a period of no more than five minutes:

"Let's see. What shall I destroy first? That slide in the corner looks a little evil..."
"Yeah!!! Take that you plastic piece of crap. That's teach them to give us baby toys."
"Okay, the teacher has her back turned. Let's play "Fight Club." I'll be Brad Pitt, you be Ed Norton, okay?......GO!!!"
"Man, I can't believe we got caught. She must have eyes in the back of her head. Oh well. What can I get into in here?"

"[whisper]...Okay, I'll take the big guy. you and the husky cover the other three. Got it? Good. On the count of three.....one....two...."

the "nanny cam" goes canine

Bean will be spending the next two days at Camp Bowwow, as both Bryan and I will be out of town. She loves it there, of course. There are so many dogs to play with, and they have several "play rooms" set up with toys of all kinds. It is a bit hurtful when I go to drop her off and she sprints off down the hall without so much as a glance over her shoulder to acknowledge that she will miss me. She could at least pretend to look sad until I get in the car.

One of the cool things about this place is that all of the areas are set up with webcams, so you can see what Bean is up to from any computer. It helps me not miss her too much. That, and the fact that I can eat without her staring at me, attempting to look emaciated. And the fact that I can kick my shoes off anywhere and know that they will be in same spot when I need them later....

Maybe these few days won't be so hard after all...

At any rate, while Bryan picks Bean up on Tuesday, I will not be back home until next weekend. Until then, feel free to spy on Bean at camp. You can also get your "Bean fix" by checking out some of the rather scandalous photos on this blog (See "XXX-rated!" post below).

XXX-rated!!! L!vE nuDE PitS! SeXy!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, allow me to present Bean's first X-rated photo.
Freaky Friday? Hell yeah.

this yard ain't big enough for the both of us

"Dad brought home this new thing. I didn't know what it was. Still don't. At first, I did what I do whenever something new and strange shows up. I hid behind my daddy.

After a few minutes of this, I decided it was safe enough for a little reconnaissance mission. Like I always say, it's important to know your enemies.

Pretty soon, after I had mapped out all of the intruder's weak points and deciphered its pattern of movement, it was time for an attack.
While I was unable to kill it, I am proud to report that it has not been spotted since. The backyard is once again under my exclusive reign."

all along the watchtower

me: hey babe. what should i call this post? "sentry"?
bryan: how bout "all along the watchtower"?
me: our back deck isn't really a watchtower though is it?
bryan: whatever. bean likes bob dylan.
me: you mean hendrix?
bryan: i mean dylan.

anyway, here's the picture:



"there's a new puppy on the block. he lives next door. if i stand up on the deck like this, i can just barely see him. i wish he'd come over to play. but i am too much of a spaz. when he tried to come over last week i freaked out and got all excited. i couldn't sit still and wait for him to come inside and i bounced on him. i guess he doesn't like to wrestle.

now i have to resort to being a peeping tom."

lap dog

i know the words "pit bull" and "lap dog" probably aren't synonymous in most people's minds. but i believe this picture will convince you otherwise.

bean is much more likely to hoist herself onto bryan's lap, as she is a daddy's girl and always has been. she particularly likes to do so when i am in the room trying to have a conversation with bryan. hmmm. jealous, perhaps? anyone know what the opposite of an oedipal complex is?

the good life

bryan got home from work at five. we just finished a lovely dinner of black bean quesedillas with red onion, salsa, and spinach. now i am poking around on the web. the be good tanyas are playing on the living room stereo. and my family is here in the office with me, napping together on the couch.















i don't see how it can get any better than this.

things that make me sleepy, part 2

destroying my toys:

especially the rubber ones. they're just so.....chewy. i mean, with the stuffed ones, it's not even a challenge anymore. just rip rip rip, and then fling the stuffing around the house. borrrr -rrring. anyway, i've already killed all of my stuffed toys, so now it's on to the so-called "indestructible" ones. hah! yeah....sure.

p.s. - it looks like i'm on the bed here but i'm not. that would be something that other dogs get to do. i am banished to the floor. fine, mom and dad. be that way.

but i'm taking your comforter with me.

p.p.s. - unfortunately, the adoption of a sister for bean didn't work out. so she is still an only dog. it's just as well, because if i had two blogs to keep up with, i'd probably have to drop out of grad school to find the time. priorities, ya know? they're....important.

helping dad, part 1

One day, I found dad sitting on the floor in the living room trying to write a letter. Now, I know from previous experience that anytime mom or dad is doing anything on the floor, it's because they need my help but are too embarassed to ask.

First, I tried helping from the right...










And then from the left....












And then from the right again, with more encourage- ment....






Ya know what, dad, why don't I just write it myself this time?







Geeesh!!! Can't you two do anything for yourselves??? Are all humans this helpless?

keeping cool with fruit

It's been so hot, we've resorted to trying anything to keep cool. A couple of weeks ago we bought a watermelon to cut open on an especially hot Sunday. We decided to give Bean the end piece (out on the back deck so she wouldn't make a huge mess inside). She gnawed on it and sucked at it for a good twenty minutes. So much joy from a slice of melon! That's life!

Two bits of news:

#1
As you may have noticed, I have written the last few posts in the voice of Bean. I think that's a cute and perfectly sane thing to do. Bryan, on the other hand, has requested that I speak only for myself from now on, lest he be embarrassed in front of the entire internet. Well, I have decided to let the readers decide. So please comment on this post and vote: "Yes, I think it's fine for you to pretend that you are your dog when you write these posts" or "Please stop polluting the web with your insane ramblings." That should settle it.

#2
We are getting a sister for Bean!! She is a bluetick coonhound and her foster family lives in VA. We are going to go meet her on Monday. So hopefully, there will soon be two cute dogs featured on this blog! Wish us luck!!

stress and carnage

Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out, I like to gut one of my stuffed toys. Last week they took me to the vet. Normally I love my vet, and mom and dad always buy me a stuffed toy in the lobby that I get to play with on the way home. This time, though, they cleaned out my ears.

Now, as you can see from my photos, I have some pretty big ears. So this was no quick job. Although I don't mind baths, I hate being groomed. That's why the vet had to do it in the first place. Whenever mom and dad get down on the floor and use sweet voices and treats to lure me over, I run and hide. I learned that a looong time ago when they tried to trim my nails. No Way!!!

Anyway, on this particular vet visit, I got a stuffed frog. As soon as we got home, I ran out back with the frog and ripped it up. Now mom is pissed cause she has to clean up all this stuffing off the deck. Whatever.

I'm the victim here.

things that make me sleepy, pt. 1

Long rides in the car.

Especially when the window is rolled up to keep the A/C in and there is nothing outside to look at but trees.

Man, Dad should clean out his car. Then I could get really comfy.


Not that I ever let a little clutter keep me from napping...

Whew! Finally!!!!

Okay, I'm finally all settled in here at the new house. Well, about 87% settled in, but that's enough to catch up on my blogging.

The move was exhausting. Really. We only moved about 1.5 miles away, so we made like a million trips back and forth in the car. I rode along in the back seat for most of them. I'm still missing a lot of my stuff.

There's soooo much to write about. I don't know where to start.

So I think I'll start with a nap.

....i'm...still...here.........

...Just not able to post as much. We're moving into Bryan's house, so things are crazy and all my stuff is missing (has anyone seen my left ear?)....but don't worry! I'm still around, and reading all of the comments. Thanks!!

blair witch bean

this is bean's interpretation of Heather Donahue's famous close-up in The Blair Witch Project:

it's getting hot in herrrr

In this picture, Bean is:

















a) demonstrating her mastery of all dog commands by executing a perfect "play dead"
b) actually dead
c) just really, really hot and rubbing herself all over the cool floor

Correct answer: C

This is Bean's first summer ever (she was born in September of 2004), and so far she is not adjusting to the heat very well. It's weird, because she doesn't have long hair or anything. But everytime we come in from a walk it's all falling out in the floor like a little furry drama queen and panting wildly like this:



















We give her water all the time. What gives?

i am not amused

When Bean is out in the back yard (which is totally fenced in, don't worry) and wants back in, she doesn't bark or scratch at the door or anything else a normal dog might do to get your attention. She just stands there, staring, waiting...

When she is out there, we don't close the big door, just the screen door. So if you were to go into the kitchen for oh, I don't know, a bowl of cereal, this is the first thing you'd see:


It's really creepy.

(In this photo she looks pissed off because instead of letting her in, I went to get the camera.)

Look what I can do!!

I learned how to make a link to another page that is not just the actual url typed out, but some other, special name.

For example, I just finished posting Bean's picture to this collection of dog nose photos that was mentioned in Sam's blog.

Cool huh?

How'd you like to wake up to this?

Well, we have (finally) gotten bean to understand that we don't want her up on the bed. Because she is a brat, she likes to come up and put her nose on the bed, keeping all four paws on the floor, and give us a look that says "What? I'm not on the bed. Just my nose. Your rules say nothing about noses. So there."

Here I am! Here I am!

Did ya miss me?

hooooty-hooooooooo

No picture this time, just a story:
Last night, around 3:30 in the morning, we wake to the sound of Bean's "big girl bark"(a deeper, more serious bark than her usual annoying yap). It seems that she hears some owls outside, and answers each "whoooo" with a "rrrrufff!". Surely the owls have to stop in a minute or two right? We wait. Nope. They are actually getting louder.

Bean is going nuts. Sometimes when she is like this, I let her out of her crate, take her outside, and let her investigate whatever it was that she heard. After a few minutes, she's convinced that there is no immediate threat to the house, and will go back inside. So I take her out. Turns out that the owls (there must be more than one) are in the tree right outside our bedroom window. After a few tries, she realizes she cannot climb trees, and I drag her back into the house.

I use a doggie cookie to lure her back into the crate. She hesitates, as if to say "Alright. But if you guys get eaten up by those things outside, I'm not responsible. I'll be safe in my crate." More "whooooo". More "rrrrufff!" Bryan is losing his patience. For those of you who have not met him, you may not be aware that he has to get up at FIVE AAYY EMMM, EVERY MORNING!!! (as he likes to remind people).

I have an idea. I drag the boom box into the bedroom, thinking that the music will mask the sound of the owls and Bean will go back to sleep. I figure it will be much easier to fall asleep to Sarah Vaughan than our present vocalists. Turns out I have to have the volume pretty high in order to cover the "whoooo"s (who knew owls were so LOUD??). Bean's still not buying it.

I go sit beside her crate and sing along to her, thinking my voice (something familiar) will sooth her. So now in addition to the "whoooooo"s and the "rrruffff!"s, we have both me and Sarah crooning out "whatever looooola wants.....". Bryan has piled all of the pillows on top of his head, and is threatening to go home (we don't technically live together; he keeps all of his crap in a house down the street).

Then, by the grace of God, bean lies down. I start singing in more of a whisper, then stop all together and get back in bed. We hear bean snoring, and I turn down the stereo. The owls leave. I turn the music off all together. And we fall back to sleep.

Bryan's alarm goes off about 15 minutes later.

True story.

back on the couch

Well, that didn't last long did it? If anyone knows of a good source for slipcovers, please drop me a line in the "comments" section below this post. Thanks!

please send toys. and rawhide.

We ran out of rawhide chews today. And Bean seems to have misplaced the majority of her toys (including the beloved Kong). So she has been reduced to chewing on plastic soda bottles and shredding cardboard boxes with her teeth.

stinky dog

We are having company tonight and thought Bean could use a little freshening up. She is really very good in the bath. She waits very patiently while Bryan bathes her, and then she lets us dry her off for about 30 seconds, before running through the house shaking and bumping into things. It's fun.

office assistant

Here Bean is helping Bryan with a conference call. She is very involved with his work. Notice once again how the burden of her massive head is simply too much, and she must use the arm of the chair to support some if its weight. (By the way, that chair was six bucks from Goodwill. It had been covered with a nice vintage bedspread, but I decided I would rather she eat the chair than the bedspread, and so there you go.)

Weekend Plans

Bryan was away this weekend, so Bean had to depend solely on me for entertainment. Here she is helping me reorganize my filing system. Yes, that is part of her frighteningly large and floppy lips that you see hanging over the corner of the box. More on that later. Bryan comes home tonight! I think Bean may be even more relieved than me.

New Bed, New Bed, La La La-la!

Yesterday, I got a new bed for Bean. Well, other than the fleece pad in the bottom of her crate, it's her only bed. I felt bad about revoking her couch privileges. She seems to like it okay. But I can tell she's still pissed about not being allowed on the couch

Bean eats the couch

Bean has been pretty responsible around the house for awhile now. I guess I just got too used to it. I decided to try leaving her in the house by herself and not in the crate. Bad idea. It's not really that noticeable is it?

Scary Lady

Bean is guarding the house from the scary old lady that lives on the other side of the driveway. She is always giving me the evil eye through a gap in the mini blinds. When I am getting out of my car, she sometimes screams "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS PARKING???? STOP PARKING!!!!" But we're not scared of her. No way...well...maybe a tiny bit.

I love bed.

She's not supposed to be on the bed. But look at this. I mean, c'mon. Who can resist this face? Not me.