hello mah-dah, hello fah-dah, greetings from camp, bowwowwwow-ah

hi guys!!!

I'm sending this from the office here at camp bowwow. The camp counselors are busy checking on all the other inmates - uhhh.....i mean campers. So I thought i'd take this opportunity to remind you all to look in on me during the holidays on the camp's webcams. i'll be sure to smile at the camera and wave every now and then so you can tell which one I am. I hope you are all getting lots of good loot. remember.....pace yourselves......you have a whole year to destroy these new toys....go slow.

Bath time

Tonight Bryan gave bean a long overdue bath. She is really very good in the tub. Only sometimes she has a hard time waiting until he lifts her out of it to start the body-shaking she does to dry off faster.

Happy Sunday!

"The cool thing about having crappy parents who run out of dog food is that sometimes you get to have bananas and peanut butter for breakfast, like I did this morning. I am hoping they forget to pick up more dog food today too, so I can have pizza for dinner. Or quesadillas. Anything they're eating will be fine. Except vegetables. I don't like 'em. Never have."

Sexy dogs of the world UNITE!!!!

This is the freakiest thing that has happened to me all day. I have stumbled upon the blog of a dog named Ira that looks exactly like Bean. I mean they could be twins. I mean they could team up and get into all kinds of wholesome mischief ala The Parent Trap. They even have the same Blogger template.

This will rock.

Coming soon to a living room near you!

Last weekend, we were invited over to the house of a friend (let's call him "Andrew") for some movie-watching, game-playing fun. Andrew graciously extended the invitation to Bean, seeing as how he does have a fenced in backyard. Well, immediately upon her arrival, Bean located and mauled a little stuffed koala bear. That's sort of our fault. We have allowed her to grow up thinking that any stuffed animal is a dog toy and as such is fair game.

After the mangled koala corpse was taken from her, Bean ran around the backyard for a good long while. Then she hopped up on a chair in the living room and seemed to be settling down for a nap. I went to shove her off it and Andrew stopped me, saying that it was okay with him if she napped there and that she actually looked kind of cute.

Cue the 'gina-licking.

Andrew disappeared down the hall, saying "you know what? On second thought, why don't I put a blanket down on that chair for her...." Moments later he returned and slid a very cute cow-print blanket underneath her.

"Well, this is just not nearly as much fun."

"Maybe I'll check out what's going on in the dining room.....mmmm....is that Axis and Allies that they're playing? Yikes! Well let's see what going on in here..."

"Oh good lord. It's her. She never does anything interesting. Ever. Actually, I don't recall her doing anything at all. I'm amazed she's even still awake. It must be nine o'clock by now. Why isn't she wearing her pajamas? Now she's going to take my picture and the flash will go off and it will blind me and I hate that. Hhhhhuuuuhhhhh. This sucks. I can't find anymore stuffed toys to eat. What am I gonna do until we leave?....mmmm....I have an idea...."

Yeah, that's right. We are all classy ladies over here.

bean and the bard

Yes, for the first time in her life, Bean had to wear the dreaded E-collar. I came home on Wednesday to find blood on the couch in the office (the one she is allowed on). I checked her paws and the dew claw on her front left paw was a bloody mass of nastiness. Seriously? It looked like she had stepped in some raw hamburger meat or something. So, off to the vet for some expensive surgery (they ended up taking off the whole claw), and when Bryan picked her up on Wednesday night, she was wearing this. I think she looks very Shakespearean in the photo above, don't you?
In this picture you can see her bandaged paw. She had to keep it and the E-collar on for 3 days, and yesterday (Saturday) we released her. She is full of energy and as good as new, which is slightly disappointing. We were hoping for maybe a few more days of down-time before she got back to her usual crazy self.
"When you don't share your pizza crusts with me mommy, it makes my paw hurt."

Since her wound could have had something to do with the fact that we don't clip her nails (she has eaten several nail trimmers), the guilt was a little overwhelming. We dealt with this by hand feeding her bananas and pizza crusts, carrying her up and down the stairs whenever she wanted, and letting her sleep in the bed with us.

Those of you who share the bed with your dogs on a regular basis, my hats off to you. It was the worst sleep of my whole life. She had to sleep with her head (with big plastic E-collar) on Bryan and her big fat butt on me. The weight of it pretty much forced me to lie in the same position all night, and I was achy all the next day. But, what could we do? The first time we saw her try to run into her crate for bed and bounce back because the E-collar wouldn't fit was friggin hysterical. But the eighth time was just heart breaking.

every breath you-ou take...every move you-ou make...

every bond you break

every step you take

I'll be watching you.

Bean has just recently realized that she is tall enough to stand up and look out the front windows. Whenever she sees anything potentially harmful to us - a squirrel, the mailman, the neighborhood children, a leaf - she starts shrieking like a little girl until I go check it out. After I look out the window I say "What did you see? Did you find a leaf? Look! It's gone! You scared it away! What a good girl!! Who's mommy's sweet little guard dog? It's Bean!! Oh yes it is!!" She gets all wiggly and excited, I go back to what I was doing, and she resumes her post at the window.

Fun? You have no idea.

boo

Thanks to approximately one half pound of dog biscuits*, I am delighted to present to you...

BatBean


Happy Halloween!

(And I would be doing you a disservice if I did not send to over to have a look at Shelby's picture.)

*I had to do it on my own since Bryan refused to take any part in this. He says it's demeaning to Bean. Whatever. This is a dog that will happily run up to company, throw her back paw up over her head, and commence a very loud session of what I will only describe here as "self-love."

if it seems like all we do around here is lie on the couch

That's because it is all we do. And it rocks.

Crime and Punishment

In order to give you some idea of the havoc our little Bean can create at home, I submit these webcam photos from doggie camp. Please keep in mind that all of these were taken over a period of no more than five minutes:

"Let's see. What shall I destroy first? That slide in the corner looks a little evil..."
"Yeah!!! Take that you plastic piece of crap. That's teach them to give us baby toys."
"Okay, the teacher has her back turned. Let's play "Fight Club." I'll be Brad Pitt, you be Ed Norton, okay?......GO!!!"
"Man, I can't believe we got caught. She must have eyes in the back of her head. Oh well. What can I get into in here?"

"[whisper]...Okay, I'll take the big guy. you and the husky cover the other three. Got it? Good. On the count of three.....one....two...."

the "nanny cam" goes canine

Bean will be spending the next two days at Camp Bowwow, as both Bryan and I will be out of town. She loves it there, of course. There are so many dogs to play with, and they have several "play rooms" set up with toys of all kinds. It is a bit hurtful when I go to drop her off and she sprints off down the hall without so much as a glance over her shoulder to acknowledge that she will miss me. She could at least pretend to look sad until I get in the car.

One of the cool things about this place is that all of the areas are set up with webcams, so you can see what Bean is up to from any computer. It helps me not miss her too much. That, and the fact that I can eat without her staring at me, attempting to look emaciated. And the fact that I can kick my shoes off anywhere and know that they will be in same spot when I need them later....

Maybe these few days won't be so hard after all...

At any rate, while Bryan picks Bean up on Tuesday, I will not be back home until next weekend. Until then, feel free to spy on Bean at camp. You can also get your "Bean fix" by checking out some of the rather scandalous photos on this blog (See "XXX-rated!" post below).

XXX-rated!!! L!vE nuDE PitS! SeXy!!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, allow me to present Bean's first X-rated photo.
Freaky Friday? Hell yeah.

this yard ain't big enough for the both of us

"Dad brought home this new thing. I didn't know what it was. Still don't. At first, I did what I do whenever something new and strange shows up. I hid behind my daddy.

After a few minutes of this, I decided it was safe enough for a little reconnaissance mission. Like I always say, it's important to know your enemies.

Pretty soon, after I had mapped out all of the intruder's weak points and deciphered its pattern of movement, it was time for an attack.
While I was unable to kill it, I am proud to report that it has not been spotted since. The backyard is once again under my exclusive reign."

all along the watchtower

me: hey babe. what should i call this post? "sentry"?
bryan: how bout "all along the watchtower"?
me: our back deck isn't really a watchtower though is it?
bryan: whatever. bean likes bob dylan.
me: you mean hendrix?
bryan: i mean dylan.

anyway, here's the picture:



"there's a new puppy on the block. he lives next door. if i stand up on the deck like this, i can just barely see him. i wish he'd come over to play. but i am too much of a spaz. when he tried to come over last week i freaked out and got all excited. i couldn't sit still and wait for him to come inside and i bounced on him. i guess he doesn't like to wrestle.

now i have to resort to being a peeping tom."

lap dog

i know the words "pit bull" and "lap dog" probably aren't synonymous in most people's minds. but i believe this picture will convince you otherwise.

bean is much more likely to hoist herself onto bryan's lap, as she is a daddy's girl and always has been. she particularly likes to do so when i am in the room trying to have a conversation with bryan. hmmm. jealous, perhaps? anyone know what the opposite of an oedipal complex is?

the good life

bryan got home from work at five. we just finished a lovely dinner of black bean quesedillas with red onion, salsa, and spinach. now i am poking around on the web. the be good tanyas are playing on the living room stereo. and my family is here in the office with me, napping together on the couch.















i don't see how it can get any better than this.

things that make me sleepy, part 2

destroying my toys:

especially the rubber ones. they're just so.....chewy. i mean, with the stuffed ones, it's not even a challenge anymore. just rip rip rip, and then fling the stuffing around the house. borrrr -rrring. anyway, i've already killed all of my stuffed toys, so now it's on to the so-called "indestructible" ones. hah! yeah....sure.

p.s. - it looks like i'm on the bed here but i'm not. that would be something that other dogs get to do. i am banished to the floor. fine, mom and dad. be that way.

but i'm taking your comforter with me.

p.p.s. - unfortunately, the adoption of a sister for bean didn't work out. so she is still an only dog. it's just as well, because if i had two blogs to keep up with, i'd probably have to drop out of grad school to find the time. priorities, ya know? they're....important.

helping dad, part 1

One day, I found dad sitting on the floor in the living room trying to write a letter. Now, I know from previous experience that anytime mom or dad is doing anything on the floor, it's because they need my help but are too embarassed to ask.

First, I tried helping from the right...










And then from the left....












And then from the right again, with more encourage- ment....






Ya know what, dad, why don't I just write it myself this time?







Geeesh!!! Can't you two do anything for yourselves??? Are all humans this helpless?

keeping cool with fruit

It's been so hot, we've resorted to trying anything to keep cool. A couple of weeks ago we bought a watermelon to cut open on an especially hot Sunday. We decided to give Bean the end piece (out on the back deck so she wouldn't make a huge mess inside). She gnawed on it and sucked at it for a good twenty minutes. So much joy from a slice of melon! That's life!

Two bits of news:

#1
As you may have noticed, I have written the last few posts in the voice of Bean. I think that's a cute and perfectly sane thing to do. Bryan, on the other hand, has requested that I speak only for myself from now on, lest he be embarrassed in front of the entire internet. Well, I have decided to let the readers decide. So please comment on this post and vote: "Yes, I think it's fine for you to pretend that you are your dog when you write these posts" or "Please stop polluting the web with your insane ramblings." That should settle it.

#2
We are getting a sister for Bean!! She is a bluetick coonhound and her foster family lives in VA. We are going to go meet her on Monday. So hopefully, there will soon be two cute dogs featured on this blog! Wish us luck!!

stress and carnage

Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out, I like to gut one of my stuffed toys. Last week they took me to the vet. Normally I love my vet, and mom and dad always buy me a stuffed toy in the lobby that I get to play with on the way home. This time, though, they cleaned out my ears.

Now, as you can see from my photos, I have some pretty big ears. So this was no quick job. Although I don't mind baths, I hate being groomed. That's why the vet had to do it in the first place. Whenever mom and dad get down on the floor and use sweet voices and treats to lure me over, I run and hide. I learned that a looong time ago when they tried to trim my nails. No Way!!!

Anyway, on this particular vet visit, I got a stuffed frog. As soon as we got home, I ran out back with the frog and ripped it up. Now mom is pissed cause she has to clean up all this stuffing off the deck. Whatever.

I'm the victim here.

things that make me sleepy, pt. 1

Long rides in the car.

Especially when the window is rolled up to keep the A/C in and there is nothing outside to look at but trees.

Man, Dad should clean out his car. Then I could get really comfy.


Not that I ever let a little clutter keep me from napping...

Whew! Finally!!!!

Okay, I'm finally all settled in here at the new house. Well, about 87% settled in, but that's enough to catch up on my blogging.

The move was exhausting. Really. We only moved about 1.5 miles away, so we made like a million trips back and forth in the car. I rode along in the back seat for most of them. I'm still missing a lot of my stuff.

There's soooo much to write about. I don't know where to start.

So I think I'll start with a nap.

....i'm...still...here.........

...Just not able to post as much. We're moving into Bryan's house, so things are crazy and all my stuff is missing (has anyone seen my left ear?)....but don't worry! I'm still around, and reading all of the comments. Thanks!!

blair witch bean

this is bean's interpretation of Heather Donahue's famous close-up in The Blair Witch Project:

it's getting hot in herrrr

In this picture, Bean is:

















a) demonstrating her mastery of all dog commands by executing a perfect "play dead"
b) actually dead
c) just really, really hot and rubbing herself all over the cool floor

Correct answer: C

This is Bean's first summer ever (she was born in September of 2004), and so far she is not adjusting to the heat very well. It's weird, because she doesn't have long hair or anything. But everytime we come in from a walk it's all falling out in the floor like a little furry drama queen and panting wildly like this:



















We give her water all the time. What gives?

i am not amused

When Bean is out in the back yard (which is totally fenced in, don't worry) and wants back in, she doesn't bark or scratch at the door or anything else a normal dog might do to get your attention. She just stands there, staring, waiting...

When she is out there, we don't close the big door, just the screen door. So if you were to go into the kitchen for oh, I don't know, a bowl of cereal, this is the first thing you'd see:


It's really creepy.

(In this photo she looks pissed off because instead of letting her in, I went to get the camera.)

Look what I can do!!

I learned how to make a link to another page that is not just the actual url typed out, but some other, special name.

For example, I just finished posting Bean's picture to this collection of dog nose photos that was mentioned in Sam's blog.

Cool huh?

How'd you like to wake up to this?

Well, we have (finally) gotten bean to understand that we don't want her up on the bed. Because she is a brat, she likes to come up and put her nose on the bed, keeping all four paws on the floor, and give us a look that says "What? I'm not on the bed. Just my nose. Your rules say nothing about noses. So there."

Here I am! Here I am!

Did ya miss me?

hooooty-hooooooooo

No picture this time, just a story:
Last night, around 3:30 in the morning, we wake to the sound of Bean's "big girl bark"(a deeper, more serious bark than her usual annoying yap). It seems that she hears some owls outside, and answers each "whoooo" with a "rrrrufff!". Surely the owls have to stop in a minute or two right? We wait. Nope. They are actually getting louder.

Bean is going nuts. Sometimes when she is like this, I let her out of her crate, take her outside, and let her investigate whatever it was that she heard. After a few minutes, she's convinced that there is no immediate threat to the house, and will go back inside. So I take her out. Turns out that the owls (there must be more than one) are in the tree right outside our bedroom window. After a few tries, she realizes she cannot climb trees, and I drag her back into the house.

I use a doggie cookie to lure her back into the crate. She hesitates, as if to say "Alright. But if you guys get eaten up by those things outside, I'm not responsible. I'll be safe in my crate." More "whooooo". More "rrrrufff!" Bryan is losing his patience. For those of you who have not met him, you may not be aware that he has to get up at FIVE AAYY EMMM, EVERY MORNING!!! (as he likes to remind people).

I have an idea. I drag the boom box into the bedroom, thinking that the music will mask the sound of the owls and Bean will go back to sleep. I figure it will be much easier to fall asleep to Sarah Vaughan than our present vocalists. Turns out I have to have the volume pretty high in order to cover the "whoooo"s (who knew owls were so LOUD??). Bean's still not buying it.

I go sit beside her crate and sing along to her, thinking my voice (something familiar) will sooth her. So now in addition to the "whoooooo"s and the "rrruffff!"s, we have both me and Sarah crooning out "whatever looooola wants.....". Bryan has piled all of the pillows on top of his head, and is threatening to go home (we don't technically live together; he keeps all of his crap in a house down the street).

Then, by the grace of God, bean lies down. I start singing in more of a whisper, then stop all together and get back in bed. We hear bean snoring, and I turn down the stereo. The owls leave. I turn the music off all together. And we fall back to sleep.

Bryan's alarm goes off about 15 minutes later.

True story.

back on the couch

Well, that didn't last long did it? If anyone knows of a good source for slipcovers, please drop me a line in the "comments" section below this post. Thanks!

please send toys. and rawhide.

We ran out of rawhide chews today. And Bean seems to have misplaced the majority of her toys (including the beloved Kong). So she has been reduced to chewing on plastic soda bottles and shredding cardboard boxes with her teeth.

stinky dog

We are having company tonight and thought Bean could use a little freshening up. She is really very good in the bath. She waits very patiently while Bryan bathes her, and then she lets us dry her off for about 30 seconds, before running through the house shaking and bumping into things. It's fun.